I've never felt happier than this right here

Chyeah.

So, No one cares, but I have my first very own art showing of 5 pieces that I spent every waking moment on to complete. They look amazing even in my own eyes, which, as a perfectionist is not easy, I am rarely happy with what I have completed. One of the pieces is featured as my favorite, it is originally 26x30 and has a beautiful frame.

I would also like to gloat about my profession and how good I am at it. I have a large client base and when I re-locate, they will follow me and only go to who I suggest. Not only do I already have a hefty clientele at the new location, but it is already growing through word of mouth.  Though unfortunately I have learned that nothing is free in life, not even free stuff, so back off. Considering the fact that people I do not even know expect something without cost in any form because I'm a nice person, no longer will my services be given without at least fair trade. This line of work has let me know who my real friends are...

I feel disrespected, used and unappreciated by many that I have fallen over myself to help, and each day I find it harder to understand. I do think of people, I do try to understand, fix problems, help out, do what I can, but that is simply what I'm like. I have been known to give up all I have for the happiness of others, only to be told I show them no appreciation for what little they do for me, even though I have graciously thanked them with the sincerest thank you.

With certain things I have done in life, and the things that come to others in the world, I feel lucky for what I have,  and as though I deserve what misfortune comes my way. However, life gives you choices, usually at the worst moments, but it makes you learn. So feel good that you have been gifted with the mind and heart of a descent person, whether you look at your flaws and mistakes or not.

Still though, living in a free country, being treated like a bottomless pit is unnecessary, disrespectful  and, a piss off considering the training, knowledge, patience and personal financial cost behind it all. The saddest part is that this country doesn't seem like it will be free for much longer.

Thanks for your time.
I am thinking always of everyone I have ever loved or cared for. Regardless of their actions and my own.

B

Nothing is what you expect it to be, plans always fall apart, hope is often wasted on silly things, words are never quite enough to explain what you want to say. Guilt, depression, regret and anxiety are large prices with valuable lessons learned, you have to look hard to see what you need to see. What steps you take could write your fate for the better or worse, but no matter the road to come, things happen for a reason and lessons are learned from every confusing and frustrating thing that passes you by. Be careful, the choices you make could force you to lose those closest to you.

When a good friend is found, do what you can to show your appreciation, don't get in too deep, but don't take advantage, keep everything fair, get what you give, give what you get, don't plead ignorance, be considerate and good friends are hard to come by. Someone who understands you should be treated with a massive amount of respect, once again, an understanding friend is nearly impossible to find, and when they are lost you will never forget them.

Take everything you can from life, don't let it drag you down, there are always brighter things, you only need the open mind to see them. There is always someone who is proud of you, who misses you, who loves you, who respects you, who looks up to you and who treasures your every moment together. Never forget who you are, and do what you can to enhance your characteristics to be the best you can be for yourself.


This is your only life, You make your own choices, and not many things can change you unless you are willing for them to be changed, even then it is very difficult. Many things can be taken out of context, that misunderstanding can shatter you, don't jump to conclusions, it can remove an opportunity to make things better.

Dear friends: Know I love and appreciate you and everything you do for yourself, I guarantee I think of you even if we have not spoken for a long time, you mean a lot to me and I wish I had the resources to make your life a brighter place.  



If I had a million dollars, I'd probably spend it on all of my friends.

Hah! Aggression is apparently what I like in my journal entries. I'm fine in most senses, not that anyone reads these things besides CS JB and RG. I hate a lot more things it seems now. But all the wrong things are right, I suppose...Drawing is something I do a lot. Finishing drawings? not so much my thing lately. Some art makes me sad, but not because it looks sad, surprise  surprise, but because...anxiety rules me. I'm scared of any opinion ever now...life was rough last summer, I think I'm only now starting to come back out of it. ANYWAYS..in case anyone gives a shit ever at all :


Tattooing: Not so great on the clientele and finding another person to train under. Having some practice, mainly on myself.....I would love to tattoo...be a tattoo artist...FUCKING love that....but unfortunately the time of day is usually given to someone who looks like they have a spine, and the only person who could have run through with me bailed, as do all the people I seem to trust and then run off with all of my money...or spirit, whichever seems to taste better with ketchup I guess. THOUGH, I do have many people wanting tattoos from me, its a matter of them not flaking out on me every time we're supposed to talk and not not having money..hah.

Illustrating: Have some base for tattoo designs and some illustration work for a few clients right now, but nothing huge, just something for someones fiance and something for a business flyer, but still something. But man do I ever have a SHIT ton of drawings for a show I want to have, I'm so excited!!! I would show previews but whats the point. I'm the only one that reads this crap.

Hairdressing: All I have are complaints about how people treat me there, due to my lack of experience and age. I look young therefore do not deserve respect, I am not as experienced as others therefore I am not a person and seem to have a knack for being criticized for 15-120 minutes. I almost have my next licence for hair which is exciting! Thanks to my hard working butt and my cool boss. I just need one more signature and I'll be free from this "Junior-treat-me-like-shit" badge. PLEASE PEOPLE HAIRDRESSERS ARE PEOPLE TOO, not only people but mostly WOMEN, who are EMOTIONAL, and hate whoever makes them feel anything but awesome.

Extra: There are many many mountains of things on my mind these days. I'm finally being treated well and loving it, almost a year of amazingness. Grr life please stop crushing my hopes and dreams of becoming a famous and loved Tattoo Artist Illustrator Hairdresser. Please stop spreading rumors about people you have never met or witnessed the hair cutting skills of  MR.Melong you dick. Things are scary here, depressing even, not as upbeat or having things to do. My closest friends came to see me, but it rained, and time was limited and there's nothing to effing do here. But playing video games is super fun!!!

Well thanks...

So a time has come where I try and talk about something relevant. Something the Grandmothers and aunts across town can gossip about and not feel the devil in their hearts. Something Children can look upon with innocent eyes and say they understand. I'm growing up...I'm taking names, I'm trying out, I'm quitting games, I want a life, I want a friend, I want to be happy, I need to mend, I'm stepping up, I'm keeping strong, I'm crying out, I'm singing my song, This life is for me, To lend a hand, To be support, To be a friend, There are no goals, There are only dreams, To make them come true, It's just what it seems, I trust my heart, I trust my gut, call me a fool, I'll say to what, Don't look down on me, Just help me up, Let me learn, Don't just give up, I want what I need, I take what feels right, I strengthen my fist, I put up a fight, I'll punch till I bleed, I'll bite till I seethe, I'll scratch till I wreathe, I'll yell till I scream, And what you can tell about what you think is all that you see not what you know, for no one can know, can ever know me.

Fuck my life until it bleeds, All I can ever hope to see is the light in which our fires burn, The hand that pulls me forward, out of hell and into the arms of serenity.
Is it not fair to want happiness? probably not, But I am clawing myself out of these pits and breaking myself out of these chains, I'll see the surface again, and I will bring you with me.